Routines are Predictable. Predictability brings Security. Security promotes Safety. And Safety is the most important factor when you are Parenting a child from trauma. We all know how important sleep is in general. Sleep is vital to our immune system, and fighting off illness or keeping it at bay. It's vital to our emotional health as well. When we don't get enough sleep, we can become cranky and emotional. Sleep also plays a big factor in our cognitive abilities. It's hard to focus when we haven't gotten the proper amount of sleep, which can contribute to accidents or mistakes. So when we talk about kiddos who have experienced trauma, it's important to recognize the role sleep plays in their healing, thus the importance of establishing a bedtime routine.
Many of our kiddos have had bad experiences surrounding bedtime. So, this may seem like establishing a bedtime routine nearly impossible. However, when we establish a bedtime routine, the predictably of that routine can create a sense of safety for that child. Each night that the routine is followed, and the child experiences something positive at bedtime, over time, that positive experience can replace the bad one.
Establishing a bedtime routine sets our kids up for success. When they know what is expected, they can begin to participate in those routines, such as brushing their teeth or using the potty by themselves. The more opportunities our kids have to be successful, the more healing can come.
Our kids will come to rely on that routine. We as the parents may forget how impactful that routine is, but our kids will remind us how important it is through their words and behaviors.
For a long time, I didn't pay much attention to our bedtime routine. In fact, I really didn't realize how important it was. Until one day, our mental health therapist had asked me about it, and I didn't know how to respond. We had been struggling with sleep issues and pre-bedtime tantrums. Soon after, I decided we needed a routine. I started with reading the Bible to our Littles before bed. Soon they looked forward to it. But sleep was still an issue for a couple of my Littles. Especially falling asleep. We then added Melatonin. Which, as a mom who really hates to use medication, this was hard. But, we saw a decrease in the amount of time it was taking one Little in particular to fall asleep, so it seemed beneficial. It was also recommended to try using some essential oils with the Littles. So, we tried adding that to our routine. We diffused lavender as well as used it topically mixed with coconut oil. Last, I started saying a specific prayer over each child as I tucked them in bed. This has helped with connecting with them one last time before sleep.
My Littles count on this routine. When we forget to do a step in the routine, we notice it. When we get home too late to do the routine, the kids have a harder time settling down for sleep. One of my Littles will remind me to pray for her before I turn off the light. We have seen a decrease in bedtime anxiety with our Littles. We still have a long way to go in healing their trauma. But establishing a bedtime routine has become a very important asset in our trauma toolbox.
Do you use a bedtime routine? Has it helped your kiddos!? What is your favorite part of the routine? I would love to hear about your bedtime routines.
Head over to Macaroni Kid Redlands Facebook Page for more discussion.
~Trish
